Don't Mess With Texas...

... or you might get schooled! Not!
This nugget of wisdom is making its way around the Interwebs, and it really is priceless and funny (even if we are laughing through tears).
It's the official Republican Part of Texas platform document.

Some of my favorite pieces:

1. Environment:

We strongly oppose all efforts of the extreme environmental groups that stymie legitimate business interests. We strongly oppose those efforts that attempt to use the environmental causes to purposefully disrupt and stop those interests within the oil and gas industry. We strongly support the immediate repeal of the Endangered Species Act.

At least, we clearly see who's paying the Republicans of Texas.

2. No taxes for religious organizations, but hey, let them get into politics all they want:

We urge amendment of the Internal Revenue Code to allow a religious organization to address issues without fear of losing its tax-exempt status. We call for repeal of requirements that religious organizations send the government any personal information about their contributors.

3. Health. There is so much here, I don't know where to start...
The first one is the "Conscience Clause":

We believe that doctors, nurses, pharmacists, any employees of hospitals and insurance companies, health care organizations, medical and scientific research students, and any employee should be protected by Texas law if they conscientiously object to participate in practices that conflict with their moral or religious beliefs, including but not limited to abortion, the prescription for and dispensing of drugs with abortifacient potential, human cloning, embryonic stem cell research, eugenic screenings, euthanasia, assisted suicide, and the withdrawal of nutrition and hydration.

That's right; don't provide modern, scientific, medical procedures, just because you don't like them. Maybe you should not have gotten into the medical profession in the first place.

Vaccinations:

All adult citizens should have the legal right to conscientiously choose which vaccines are administered to themselves or their minor children without penalty for refusing a vaccine. We oppose any effort by any authority to mandate such vaccines or any medical database that would contain personal records of citizens without their consent.

I agree... if you don't want to get vaccinated, that's your choice, just make sure you lock yourself in a bubble and don't get anywhere close to me and my family.

4. Finally, there is "Education", which must mean something slightly different to Texas' Republicans than to the rest of us:

We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority.

Yes, that's right... they oppose the teaching of critical thinking skills, and they make it clear why... because when you teach someone some critical thinking, he or she might question you, or your beliefs. Good grief!!! A child who actually thinks for himself or herself!!! God, no! Well, if you ever have to deal with a child like that, this might help:

We recommend that local school boards and classroom teachers be given more authority to deal with disciplinary problems. Corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas.

Beat them into submission, so they don't dare to question anything you say... nice.
Oh, and while we making sure that our kids don't learn to think for themselves, let's make sure we also teach them that the world is 6000 years old (whatever the official date is):

We support objective teaching and equal treatment of all sides of scientific theories. We believe theories such as life origins and environmental change should be taught as challengeable scientific theories subject to change as new data is produced. Teachers and students should be able to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of these theories openly and without fear of retribution or discrimination of any kind.

Priceless!